What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
