Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't notice because vodka
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
