Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
