I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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