finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
