I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This is my gift to your gina
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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