Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
