Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
