hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
