I wish I only lived at night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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