K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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