then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
