Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
