Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
