i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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