Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
