Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
