you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
