My room smells like vodka and shame
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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