Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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