did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
