so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
These tits shall not be calmed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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