well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
