the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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