oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
