the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
