All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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