What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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