Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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