yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
