Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
