You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
