I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
