He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
