I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
