i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
...so i touched it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
