You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
