I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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