I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
