i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
