i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
