apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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