yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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