just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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