she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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