I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
