My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
