You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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