I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
