Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
