Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
