hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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