in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
tell me about the eggs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
