fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
