that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
