Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
